Be The Plot Twist

This week I’ve been doing some soul searching.  

I’ve been thinking about all the characters from my favourite books and films, and wondering… What kind of main character am I?  

Am I fierce and determined Elle Woods (Legally Blonde)? Am I unlucky in love Bridget Jones?  

One things for sure, I’m Thirty (three…), Flirty (ish) and thriving (No witty retort here, just a blatant lie.) 

To guide me on my quest to find myself, I turned to the holy grail of all-knowing wisdom… Personality Quizzes. 

The first quiz I took, lead me down a path I could not accept. I mean, who has Chris Hemsworth as an option for a trouble causing ex? No darling, Chris Hemsworth is the man we marry. You hear me Buzzfeed? MARRY. And again, Matthew Grey Gubler aka Spencer from Criminal Minds as the quirky best friend? No. Marriage material again! All he has to do is start profiling a serial killer and I’m rolling into bed.  

So, we moved on to quiz number 2. Now this really was a pain in the arse. I had to choose a meal from an international buffet each time from a choice of 6. On some of them, I’d never heard of any of the meals. So, what do I do then? I choose the one that looks most like dessert. (What? I’ve got a sweet tooth!) But this just seemed pointless because I’m sure if I knew what a Nasi Goreng tasted like, and I enjoyed it, I’d prefer it over a Stroop waffle… So, I gave up on this one too. Can’t be accurate if you have no idea what you’re choosing! 

And this led me to my final option.  

Question number 1. What is your favourite colour out of these… Green, Yellow, Blue and Purple. Green is the colour of grass, and grass makes me sneeze. So green is out. Blue always reminds me of sadness on Inside Out, so again, out. Purple is great, feels like an expensive colour. But it just doesn’t feel like a favourite. Honestly, my favourite colour is orange. I find it such a positive colour. Happy, bright and warm. The only one on the list that makes me feel those same fuzzy feelings, is Yellow. So Yellow it is! 

Question 2! If you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would it be? Options: Would’ve, Should’ve, could’ve – Taylor Swift, Defying Gravity – Wicked, Kiss Me – Sixpence None The Richer or Material Girl – Madonna. Well, this is slightly harder… I’m a Swifty. Tay Tay is a queen. But then Madonna is THE Queen. Oh, but Idina Menzel provided the soundtrack to my teenage years, and Cynthia Erivo took her rightful place on the throne as the heir to the Wicked kingdom. Out of those 3 songs (because as much as I love Kiss Me, I’ve never searched for it on Spotify so meh), there is a clear winner. There is only one song there that I put on while I’m wearing my marigolds, using my mop as a makeshift microphone. And that’s Defying Gravity. Sorry gals.  

Question 3. What is your favorite holiday? Halloween, Christmas, St Patrick’s Day or Valentines Day. Halloween is a contender. I’ve got a skeleton outside my front door named Fred. He’s been up there since last Halloween, but he watches over the house with his creepy red eyes, so the kids won’t let me take him down. Sorry Mr. Postman. Then there’s Christmas. Need I say more? St Patrick’s day is a no from me. As much as I love seeing all the Paddys day celebrations, it’s just not for me. And that leaves me with Valentine’s Day. Another no from me at this moment in time. I love the Valentines cards I get from my little boys, but at the same time, it kind of rubs salt in the wound and feels like a bit of a pity card. You know like when your nan sends you a card in the post and signs it ‘from your secret admirer’, even though you can clearly see it’s her handwriting? So based on all of the above, it’s a choice between Halloween and Christmas. And as much as I love a spooky night, I’m going to have to go with Christmas. Its magical, its wholesome, and its family time.  

Question 4. If you won the lottery what is the first thing you would do with your money? Buy new clothes, save it for the future, go on an expensive holiday or buy books. Ok so this one, this one baffled me to start with. In my head I’m thinking… none of them. I’d buy a house and a car duh! But then I got to thinking… If I won the lottery, it wouldn’t feel real. I’d feel like someone was pranking me, or that they’d realise they made a mistake and take it all back off me. So, in reality, I wouldn’t be doing that straight away. I wouldn’t be going out and buying clothes, because I’m in my glow up phase remember? What’s the point in buying new clothes now, when hopefully I’ll need different ones soon? I wouldn’t go on an expensive holiday straight away. It would be on the list, but there’s more important things to do first. Save it for the future, yeah ok, possibly. If by future, you mean next month, sure! But I think the first thing I’d do is go and buy books. Not lots, just a few. Just test the waters with my money so that if they have made a mistake, I can easily pay it back. See? Sensible. So yes, buy books! 

Question 5. What is your dream career? Fashion Design, being a princess at Disney World, not work and live abroad or English Professor. Hmm… Is this before or after I’ve won the lottery? Jokes. Ok so not fashion design… unless the world wants 50 different variations on black leggings, I’m about as useless as a condom in a convent. Princess at Disney World? Nah. Apparently, they’re not allowed to flirt with all the hot single dads. Not to mention being in one of those dresses and being all sweet and demure all day. No thanks. Unless I could be Meridah from Brave… The beer drinking, ass kicking princess. That wouldn’t be so bad! Not work and live abroad. I’d die of boredom, plus, me and the sun do not mix well. I’d probably end up with sunstroke on top of a building like in the hangover. And that leaves me with English Professor. I reckon id be alright at that one. English professor it is! 

And that, my friends, was the end of the quiz. Now we need a drum roll please. Prepare for the results. Which Romcom am I the lead character from? 

27 Dresses! 

I’m not really sure how I feel about that… Unrequited crush on your boss? Always the bridesmaid, never the bride? Oh, but then there’s the drunken karaoke scene where she sings ‘Bennie and the Jets’ with James Marsden, who is of dreamy level hotness. And (SPOILER ALERT) she does end up getting married at the end… So yeah, I could potentially be on board with that one.  

So, the internet gods have spoken. I am Jane Nicholls. The perennial bridesmaid. The unlucky in love, super supportive friend who sacrifices her own happiness to make others smile. On my quest to find my James Marsden.  

So far, I’ve been a bridesmaid 5 times. Let’s just hope there isn’t another 22 in my future! 

And the only way to ensure that never happens, is to switch up the narrative, rewrite the script and maybe we could actually be the plot twist.  

Love ya. X